Homesick and Dying

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I love the smell of pink jasmine in late winter, early spring,
The blossoms aroma captivates me,
The vines grow rapid and free,
They make me homesick,
I long for cozy nights,
Hanging lanterns,
Flickering lights,
Soothing sounds from the water fountain,
Meditating on the reflection of our home,
This place,
The wondrous Mother Earth,
It mirrors a day,
Of yesterday’s past,
When everything was so carefree,
I thought it would last,
The rivers are drying,
The Arctic is floating away,
God,
Save the polar bears,
Sea levels are rising,
The sun,
The dying star,
Creating paralyzing heat,
And like motionless cats,
People just stand by,
Doing nothing,
Acting the same,
Recycle,
Eat less meat,
Clean up the pollution,
Save water,
Stop wasting food,
Do something,
Anything,
Please,
The days are hotter,
We are missing fall,
Only seeing two seasons,
Summer and winter,
This isn’t any fun at all,
California days,
Where did they go?
It’s almost November,
It’s still 91 degrees outside,
We are drying out like beef jerky,
With no fall colored leaves,
Where is the push for discovering natural resources?
The ocean,
The air,
The sun,
Make it come from some where,
Diseases running rapid from afar,
No cures,
People are dying,
The government fighting wars,
That will mean nothing,
Religion,
Oil,
Just get along!
Once our planet collapses,
In retaliation,
For neglect and abuse,
With no one to blame,
But ourselves,
We,
Are killing us all.

What Life Once Was

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Lost in the stillness
On a path
Venturing the distance
Leading with my backside
With nothing in view
Only miles and miles
Of shades of lemon and tangerine
A mirage of lemonade
A refreshing taste of yesterday
It covers my eyes
It gets real
I am locked inside my mind
Dancing with the devil
Sipping the poison
Breathing the blackness
Trapped
Suffocating
Barricaded in the confines of self-inflicted emotional abuse
MAKE THE VOICES STOP
Why doesn’t the sunshine rescue the helpless?
The emotional
The insecure
The lost
The colors
They cloud
Paint an image of peace
They should heal
Give hope
Why don’t they bring happiness to my mind?
Breathing fresh air
I’m outside
Dancing with the devil
The allure
Temptation
No holy test
To secure a place in the soul
To save the tortured
Damage has already occurred
I sold my soul to the devil
Damn the need to walk across to the other side
To view the greener grass
The artificial turf
Trickery of the source
When vulnerability captures the weakness
My sunshine starts to bleed
Turning grotesque red
I feel the heat
I’m dying
In the bottomless pit
Where tomorrow never comes
And today stands still
And yesterday is lost
A forgotten memory
Of what life
Once was
Before darkness stepped in
Stripping away the little bit of happiness
Why didn’t I just hold on?

Only Heaven Knows

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I walked with you down the pebbled, dusty road,
I found myself praying to you

hold my hand,
hug me tight,
shower me with your words of wisdom,
under the heavens,
here on earth

It’s not fair,
I mourn the loss of you

dear god,
why did you take only father I knew?
I know,
don’t remind me I am grown,
I miss my grandfather,
only heaven knows

I pray for guidance,
For protection,
Strength,
A bit of faith,
Our life is about to change

oh I know it will all be fine,
what I would give for just an outside look,
a little reassurance into the future,
a vision of health,
of joy

Miracles happen every day,
Just to wake up breathing is a day of grace

to have love,
support,
a hand to hold,
someone to cup your fears,
and drink them away

Maybe I should have paid more attention in church,
Maybe I should have found one faith,
The rebel in me,
Always looking for something new

I have love,
I have the universe by my side,
stars guiding my life,
my twin flame,
my combined family

The selfish little girl in me,
Wishing by some big miracle,
My grandfather could still be here with me

the divine,
the belief,
faith,
love,
strength

You are always here with me,
In my heart,
My thoughts,
Holding me,
Only heaven knows.

Rosebud

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The beauty of a rosebud
Waits to bloom
The art of patience I do not know
A freshly planted seed
I wait so patiently to see it sprout
To grow
To absorb the sunlight
To inhale its floral scent
To watch it slowly come alive
I pace and I pace
I walk this faint line
Damn the wait
I sigh
Please blossom
I whisper a delicate cry
What will the outcome be?
How many more days to confirm the growth?
This life?
The space of mind, body and soul
Fills me endlessly
The beauty of a rose
Love encompasses the stem
The leaves
Petals
And thorns
In me
In you
In us
The beautiful journey has begun

The Remains of Me

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My peach tree shook when you kissed me,
And you drove my roots deep,
The turmoil,
I couldn’t speak,
You uprooted my soil,
My peaches began to fall,
Rolling around at your feet,
I saw,
Stacking high,
You want to eat,
Oh my, oh my,
Splitting open the juiciest one,
Biting,
Eating,
Slurping,
The ripest part of me,
Loosening my pitted core,
You tease,
I scream,
More,
Oh my god,
Oh my god,
More,
I slam more peaches to the floor,
Looking deep in my eyes,
Satisfaction released,
Still dancing,
With your gathering fruit stick inside,
Bursting open,
Splitting my pit,
I shot the remains of me.

Speak

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The blinds fall,
No natural light peeks,
My heart speaks,
Fearfully

And through the fear,
Interest emerges,
My hips wiggle, lower, spread ever so slightly,
They speak

You smirk,
Your eyes watch mine,
My breath races,
The ropes bind

Your fingers glide,
Through and around the lace,
Stroke,
Tease,
You taste,
My body speaks

Ripped,
Exposed,
My ripe melon,
Tingles,
I moan

Bitten,
I bleed,
I scream,
“Please,
Fuck me”!

And through your sexy laugh,
You say,
“Not yet,
I’m not ready,
I’m just getting started,
I’m not done with you,
Yet”!

With blackest eyes,
No hunger can sustain,
Wanting,
I cry silently,
Dissatisfied

Release me,
Release us,
Let us surrender,
To wickedness, pleasure, sin, fate,
My thoughts speak

I close my eyes,
Crossover enchanted,
A mistress of the dark,
Tied, blinded, hearing nothing,
But the snap across my flesh

Surrendering to you,
My master,
You’re mine,
I’m yours,
And I smile within,
You scream,
We both speak!

Together

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It’s been weeks
I’ve fought the urge
To lay my lips across the smoke
Of death
I shared
I stared
In the eyes
Of a possum
In the night of fear
Of a partial moon
Outside
Busted
Caught
Sharing
The night
Of togetherness
I’m not alone wandering
Searching
Spooked
Stepping back
Oops
I’m sorry
For the invasion
Of privacy
Tonight.